So I never thought I would find myself in a place of praying to let go of something that was GREAT in my life. I've always prayed that I could let go of the bad and negative things that have hindered me from moving forward. I've had my share of those prayers for sure! But now I find myself in a very strange heart wrenching place. I know that for me to be able to move forward in what God has for me I need to let go of the amazing and wonderful things that we were able to do by God's grace and moved away from. It's never been a question of knowing if we were in God's will when we left. We know it was God's will, and we followed whole heartedly! That doesn't mean that it was easy.
I am on day 4....almost 5 (thank the Lord) of a church wide Daniel fast. It's been a long time since I was able to fast like this, and I don't think I was expecting God to begin to shake me this soon. He's shaking my core, but it's good, almost refreshing in a way. I've been experiencing so much refreshing lately (see last blog). I must have been really needing it. I absolutely HATE fasting...just being honest. Our pastor said that fasting is FEASTING ON GOD. I am trying to feast on Him as much as I can and balance my home and children all at the same time. Years ago I wrote a song called "Deeper" and I never knew how meaningful it would be in my life, here far away from all I knew, three children later, and more hungry for God than I've been in a long time. A line in the song says, "I won't go if You're not there, so take me deeper with You."
Then he said to Him, "If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here. For how then will it be known that Your people and I have found grace in Your sight, except You go with us? So we shall be separate, Your people and I, from all the people who are on the face of the earth."
I WON'T GO if He's not there! I need His presence in my life, and that amazing Presence of God is unveiling many areas that are hindering me from moving forward and grabbing hold of what He has for me. So now I find myself at a loss, never having felt the need to let go of something great. But I want nothing less than ALL He has for me, so Lord help me let go. I want You more, I need You more.