Tuesday, January 13, 2009

TRUST

So I wrote this Oct. 14th in the midst of craziness in my life on my old blog page. I am now going to get up to date!

I'm creating this because there is so much going on in my life right now that I just need to get my thoughts out about. Not necessarily for anyone in particular to read, just to clear my head and maybe get a little more sleep at night. I'm also doing it because over the last five years I've lost so much of me, who I used to be and who I thought I was...but in turn I've gained even more, three beautiful-amazing children who challenge me to the core everyday, I've gained an amazing marriage (almost 8 years!) that would never have been possible without laying most of "me" down, and I've gained a God perspective on most things in my life. I say most because there are always going to be things in my life that I'm fighting to take control of.
For about a week now I've been waking up at crazy hours of the night and not being able to get back to sleep, which is annoying because Jaden (my 6 month old) has finally mastered...pretty much, the sleep through the night thing. I sit and pray, read my Bible, but there's just so much going on in my head that nothing is making any sense. The one clear thing that I keep hearing God say is "DO YOU TRUST ME?" When He first started asking me that I honestly couldn't answer...I've always said that I trusted Him, I always sing the songs about trusting in God, but He's been trying to show me that to REALLY TRUST, for me, is EVERYTHING, to give it all, and to let go of it all. He has to have all of me. I told Craig all this because to me this is such a profound thing (simple things are always profound to me), and he said..."I hope you said YES". I'm not sure why it takes me so long to "get it". I did finally say yes. YES God I trust YOU! Not the situation, not the circumstances, not me (definitely not me), I trust YOU!
God is amazing and faithful and I'm truly blessed! I'm going to try to do this as often as possible, but who knows...this is what I have for now!

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